Does Class Really Matter When it Comes to Dating?
Who can forget that epic episode of Tujuane show that had the whole of Kenya talking? It was episode 12 of the show that airs on KTN when Mirfat Musa, aka Susan, uttered these epic words during a date: “I don’t do fries. Am I a 'chips funga' or something?”
This lightly-stated comment had Kenyans in a state of protest especially due to the fact that chips is a staple in urban dwellers’ diets. It also offended many of Kenya’s young men who identified with her date, a hustler raised in Eastlands but working his way up the social ladder.
Susan’s preferences were advertised all over social media with people labelling her a snob and calling her pretentious. However, this outpouring of insults made me wonder – are we justified in making such a judgment?
Are we being too hasty in insulting her when she could just be part of a group whose preferences are not the same as the majority? As they say, different strokes for different folks.
Nairobi is filled with a wide variety of cultures resulting in different preferences. Some people may call Susan a gold digger who is only willing to date men with full wallets and upper-class breeding.
This view could be true because it does have some element of truth. You find young girls wearing weaves they cannot afford, nails they cannot maintain and clothes they can’t buy for themselves.
There is a worrying culture which encourages ladies to frequent fancy clubs and drink the most expensive drinks. They are ultimately all looking for that story to tell on Monday morning be it on campus or at the office.
Some may ask; at what point did young ladies start pricing themselves in search of the highest bidder? Meet Hellen, a lady who works in the same building as I and we recently made acquaintances in the lift.
On a certain Friday afternoon, I bumped into her leaving work with a radiant smile and obvious expectations for the upcoming weekend. While walking to our various bus stops, she eagerly told me about her plans with her ‘man’ and she promised to tell me all about it the next Monday.
Monday did indeed arrive with her eager to describe her fun-filled weekend and to show off her new set of nails, a new Brazilian weave and some extra cash to boot. She explained how she had begged her married lover to give her cash.
“I just told him, ‘Baby, I’m broke. Can I have 10K?’ and he sent it to me,” she says with a giggle. She spoke of how he had treated her to spa treatments, salon visits and all the mundane things that Hellen finds so attractive. Her justification is that “I’ll stay as long as he gives me what I want.”
Some people might see this as high class prostitution while others may see it as a ladder to prosperity. There are those who see it as a way for such girls to lift themselves up from their lowly position, to a higher one but if there is love or any affection between them and their men, then they should be allowed to use the opportunity. Who knows, she might end up as the second wife.
On the other hand, I wonder if there really exists a Nairobian or a Kenyan for that matter who genuinely does not eat chips or some of the other common foods we favour, or alternatively, does not date people underneath or above their status.
There is a high possibility that Susan was actually serious and not putting on a façade of being classy. She mentioned she grew up in South C, an area assumed to be inhabited by the middle class members of Nairobi.
Being from a higher socio-economic background than her date, she was shocked at the prospect of eating chips and was clearly used to different standards of living.
This does not mean we are justified in calling her a snob; maybe it is time for us to widen our view of the average Kenyan and realise average is relative.
I constantly bump into ladies who have assumed Western cultures and habits due to how they were raised. They probably went to the best schools, attended prestigious universities and due to their sheltered lives, they would not be caught dead drinking beer.
There is even less of a chance of finding them dating someone ‘below’ their status; rather they look for a high class partner. In the olden days when parents arranged marriages for their sons and daughters, marrying higher than your social status was the aim of most arranged marriages but very rarely would you find a lady of high social standing being wedded to a man lower than her.
This only happened if there was an unexpected pregnancy and the girl’s reputation had to be saved. Or in other cases when love overtook all common sense it resulted in the two love birds eloping. A lot has changed since then yet there is not much difference.
In cultures where arranged marriages are not so prevalent, you find young folk so infatuated; they do not consider the financial implications of being with someone below their class.
Another example of how social and economic status is not the barrier it once was, is the conversion of many young Christian men to Islam for them to date Muslim ladies. The fact that relationships can prompt a man to change his faith for the love of a girl is proof of an evolving culture.
By looking at Nairobi from a wider lens, I think we should be careful how we judge others. Yes, you will always find girls like Hellen who pretend and fake a certain level of upbringing just to fool a few men.
These are the girls who carry themselves as if they have all the money in the world which is far from the truth. And on the same Nairobi street, you will meet an American-born Kenyan talking to street kids.
Nairobi streets are filled with all types of people and just because some do not do what most are used to, this does not make them any less Kenyan or unworthy of the title of Nairobian.
I believe this is the beauty of our vibrant city and TV shows like Tujuane are a way for us to explore beyond our immediate surroundings. I met Njeri, an impressive young girl handing out flyers along Tom Mboya street in Nairobi and she told me she had arrived in Nairobi barely a year ago.
She found a job with a promotions company and her day-to-day duties included handing out flyers to often unresponsive people. Her friendly countenance landed her an interview with an events company and she was paying for English lessons from a private tutor.
I met this dedicated lady again by chance at a supermarket where she told me she had landed the job and even her English had a notable difference.
From a rural girl with no experience in Nairobi, Njeri had taught herself to be a true Nairobian with a purpose and vision in mind to better herself. To me, this illustrates how being born in a certain sphere or stratum does not mean you must live there forever.
She has successfully moved herself up and her future family will not start from the same level that she did. Both sides of the coin have their pros and cons and it is up to you to decide if socio-economic status is more important than real feelings.
There are those who have been cushioned by money all their lives, and they cannot handle real life. And there are those who come from rural areas and are unable to leave their old habits behind – case in point being that man from Muranga who is in a sharp suit yet he shouts at the top of his voice when talking on the phone.
Kenyans are known for their tolerance as shown to the world when all the hospitals around Westgate opened their doors for all survivors regardless of race or social background. I believe this is the better side of the coin which we should all embrace.
But one word of warning to those ladies who use men to reach their various goals. As Chris Rock says, “Women need to stop running around with men’s hearts, or else men will start running around with women’s weaves.”
- See more at: http://www.the-star.co.ke/article/dont-hate-her-class-does-matter-dating#sthash.H6fpNVBi.dpuf
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