Hard to believe but your dad left me for another man

Hard to believe but your daddy left me for a man

BY WANJIKU KIMANI

With Kenya being one of the most tolerant African countries, we have all kinds of different people with their own attitudes about relationships. Gay men around Nairobi, Mombasa and other metropolitan areas are readily found and many of them don’t even try to hide their status. True, they might not shout it from the treetops or openly hold hands with their lovers. 

But it is often possible to spot them by their dress sense and general stature. They tend to walk with a feminine bearing, with excessive hip-swinging and lip-pouting. Many also have a tendency to wear overly tight clothing with various feminine-like accessories. These are not the ones who interest me, rather it’s those who are not openly gay, probably with girlfriends and wives, living secret lives that I’d like to explore.

There are numerous stories online about men who know they are gay yet they choose to live double lives – one where they are loving husbands and fathers, and another one with covert love affairs and secret meetings behind closed doors. Their wives don’t know about these activities, and naively continue living a lie. 

One might wonder – what would make a man choose to live two lives knowing full well what’s at stake? Is the need to be seen as straight so important that they opt to deceive both themselves and their families at the risk of ruining numerous lives? Sure, one may feel some sympathy for them, and such a decision is definitely not easily made. But lying to so many people will certainly, in the long-term, negatively affect loved ones – the man included.

I listened first hand to my friend’s story of the heartbreak she endured when she found out her boyfriend, Henry, of one year was gay, and had been stringing her along while seeing other men on the side. They met in high school and with him being the smartest guy there, she was flattered when he showed an interest in her. They started a relationship and in her own words, she had never been with such a caring, understanding and compassionate partner. He was especially attentive and seemed able to read her emotions and respond accordingly.

On that same note, he would also express overly passionate emotions, kind of like a woman with PMS. In addition, he was very mysterious and would disappear for weekends, sometimes without explanation. After she questioned him, he would say he was busy with school or had some family emergency. 

The truth finally came out when a mutual friend of theirs told her that her boyfriend had made sexual advances towards him, and had proposed a clandestine relationship. He was clearly surprised and before he could respond, Henry had retracted his statement, claiming it was a joke and quickly ran off. On hearing this, she was shocked and disbelieving. At first she thought it was just a misunderstanding. 

After questioning him, however, he confirmed his status. They parted ways and she had to deal with feelings of rejection, betrayal and also not knowing what to believe. They met the other day where she learnt he was a nurse, still bi-sexual and still keeping it secret. He seemed to be fine with the situation, and she decided to accept it and stay on as friends.

This is just one example of many similar situations women find themselves in. Lucky for my friend, she had not invested much into the relationship and moving on was possible. The same cannot be said for married women who have children and homes with such a man. 

Imagine knowing your husband has been with other men throughout your marriage and even trying to explain his desertion to family members seems impossible. The lives they lead are so guarded, it is even difficult for anyone to get them to open up. I did however manage to meet a lady, married for three years with two children...

To be continued

- See more at: http://www.the-star.co.ke/article/hard-believe-your-daddy-left-me-man#sthash.P0UkKBpo.dpuf